I Am A Raven
by Leveragelover
Summary: Sophie learns that moving on means more then just walking away.


**I went to go the movie Moonrise Kingdom last week and the name of the story is a quote from the movie. There's a lot of time lapse in it but I hope it makes sense for the most part. I don't own Leverage.**

_I Am A Raven_

Sophie was sitting in first class by herself. It wasn't an unusual thing. She normally travelled by herself. Today was different though in that she had just taken her break off from the team. Her mind buzzed from the scene where she told them she was leaving. They had been nonplussed about it. She had left quickly afterwards.

Now she sat in the seat closest to the window, the seat beside her empty. The plane hadn't even finished boarding and she wanted to get off. She slapped the feeling away and quickly grabbed her sketchbook. Just as she started drawing a man sat down next to her. He was older, 60's with gray hair and deep wrinkles. She ignored him and continued working on her sketch.

Her picture was almost finished. She had been working and working on it, her hand continually cramping up. The man next to her kept glancing over making her self-conscious about her drawing.

"A raven."

Sophie was a little startled when he spoke. He had a heavy British accent. "Uh, yeah...it's a raven. It's not done."

He spit his ice cube into the plastic cup, making it rattle around dully. "What are you putting above its wing?" He gestured to the blank spot above it wings and below its head.

"Um...you'll just have to wait and see!" She forced a smile and a small laugh. If the man was smart enough to know it was a raven he must be able to tell what she was doing by the expression on its face. She knew it was accurate too because she used to poke at a lot of dead birds when she was younger.

"It's an arrow," He commented once the head of the arrow had been drawn almost all the way impaled in the birds body.

"Yeah," she popped her lips quietly, "it's an arrow."

"Why?"

"It's symbolic," She answered quickly.

"Hm."

She continued to draw the length of the arrow and then the feathers at the top, held there by rope. It's wings looked almost bent as it flailed from the imaginary arrow penetrating the flesh just above its right wing. The eyes were bugged out and beak opened as if it were screaming. She dated the picture at the bottom and put it away.

"I'm Rex by the way," The man said.

Sophie opened her mouth to say Katherine. Katherine is dead. She couldn't say Sophie either. Thinking quickly she greeted him back formally. "Nice to meet you Rex."

"Nice to meet you too."

Sophie grabbed her headphones and her iPod in hopes that he wouldn't ask her anymore questions. She didn't want to be asked any questions about where she was going and why and who and when. All she wanted was to sit back and forget everything.

She stood on the balcony of her house in the London country side. A dark storm is visible in the distance, moving in closer towards her. Every now and then she hears a low roll of thunder rumble through the sward. Sometimes seeing a visible strike of lightning in the hills. Her hands were planted firmly on the cast iron fence around the balcony as she looked out over the expanse. The wind was picking up slowly, throwing her hair into the wind and making it dance. She wore all black. Her tank top was black. Her short shorts were black. Her silk robe was black. When a stronger gust of wind hit the ends of her black robe would go along with it.

_"I am a raven._

_I hold grace_

_And I hold beauty_

_I am strong_

_And I am powerful_

_To what does this measure_

_To what does this matter_

_If all I ever wanted is gone_

_If all I ever needed is wasted_

_What am I of a raven_

_If I cannot fly?_

_What am I of strength_

_Since I let myself die?"_

She is perturbed. Those words seemed as though they were not her own - spoken by a ghost. "Spoken by the ghost of who you really are," She whispered to herself.

And the alcohol flowed like a river into her body.

She was lost, she was a ghost, she was abused, and she was broke. In her mind it was better to be broken then to break, but after all these years she just couldn't handle it anymore. She had lost her independence. Now she relied on them. Her ability to stand on her own torn away from her. She was a ghost of her former self, almost a stranger to the women she played. Sophie was becoming a name just like the others.

And more alcohol came.

She needed them! Those crazy thieves that were her only family. She needed to go back! Her body was twitching and shaking from her crying, body convulsing painfully at points. She was so drunk she could barely see and could barely walk. Her makeup was so smudged and messed up that it looked as though she had raccoon eyes. Yet she kept on drinking.

The hangover she had was enormous. She could barely make it off her living room chair and over to the bathroom. Her head felt like someone had chopped it in half, her head pounding violently in pain. As she struggled to walk she nearly ran into an open door, her vision so blurry she couldn't see. She had a migraine. When the lights came on in the bathroom she hissed loudly and covered her eyes. The world spun, and she just barely made it over to the toilet before puking. It cleared up the migraine but she still had the hangover. She took medicine and turned her AC on full blast. The rest of the day was spent crying in pain in her bedroom being lazy.

Two days later she had gotten her sleep pattern somewhat back into it's normality. The past days had been spent lying in bed just like she was now. She still didn't feel that great, but it would go away soon. There had been no word from the team and she was glad they respected giving her space. She just needed time to bury her personas one by one and then she could go back. It was 12 by the time she actually dragged herself out of bed. It was 3 by the time she got up to actually go get ready for the day. When she looked in the mirror she clenched her jaw.

"How can you look in the mirror and go about living your life the way you do?" Her reflection seemed to yell at her. "How can you be such a beautiful raven if you have such an ugly soul? You are worthless! Such beauty is wasted on people like you." It drawled out the last word and she clenched her eyes shut, hoping it would go away. "You are weak! You walked away from us because you could not face us. You walked away from Nate because he wanted you. Selfish coward!

The reflection shattered. Sophie was breathing heavily, eyes crazy in anger. Blood dripped from her knuckles onto her feet. "I am not worthless. I am not weak. I am strong and I will move on."


End file.
